Rules for Christian Households - Commit your Actions to the Lord

Colossians 3:18 Rules for Christian Households

"Wives submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children or they will become discouraged. ... Whatever you do, work at it with all your heat as working for the Lord not for men." 

Culturally in America, the above 'Rules for Christian Households' is often considered as 'good for those times'. But, this advice, this Godly advice, is good for all times.

Repent- rethink your ways in this world, this popular youth culture that has come to be tolerated in Christian America. I hear all too often on radio and in discussion among fellow Christians, that their view on scripture is that one cannot apply those instructions today or they turn them around to justify what they do/how they live/bought into regarding this popular culture. I have even heard the argument that women have been liberated and should work outside the home... they have a right to be somebody. I always ask to whom do they have a right to be... and who is this somebody. What do you mean they ask me. I ask again, who is this somebody? Their answer is always the same. Somebody means the right to be anything they want to be, and to show men that they 'women' can do what men can.
And, here we have a problem. God's order, His rules for Christian households, does not mean we cannot work outside the home but why do we do it. God also asks women to put their family first 'husbands and children'... not being somebody! If we want to be 'somebody', as Christian women, we should be asking what kind of Christian woman does God want me to be and how can I be it for Him? Proverbs 16: 1-3 We can make our own plans, but the Lord gives the right answer. People may be pure in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their motives. Commit your actions to the Lord and your plans will succeed. 8-9 Better to have little with godliness than to be rich and dishonest. We can make our plans but the Lord determines our steps. Remain in Him!

How Important is your position as Keeper of the Household?

How important is your position as a Household Keeper and Mother? That question is important; so why do many women today feel and think that running a household and raising a child is not important. From what I hear, it seems that they lack praise for their job; especially from the men in their lives. I was at a family 'female' get together over the weekend and I heard in the voices of the younger and older women a tone of discontent. They were commiserating about men 'husbands and or husbands to be'.  The biggest complaint was that men don't appreciate them for doing their job... running a household and raising kids. They said that men just don't see running a household as real work. I asked them to tell me about their household work. They said that they did the laundry and the cooking and the general everyday cleaning:, wiping, sweeping, dusting, scrubbing, directing, caring, calculating, organizing, and the list went on. They laughed about how men in their opinion do not see this as valid, they just don't see the time and effort it takes to clean the dirt, the dirty clothes, the hair on the sink, the socks in the hall on the way to the bathroom where the laundry basket sits waiting. Men don't see the crumbs on the bed sheets or on the sofa cushions or lazy boy or even on their shirts. They wonder what we do all day...if we tell them, they are surprised to hear about such petty things and think it is a waste of time and effort to give so much attention to such things. It seems that they don't understand that it is work. It is work to clean up after them, do their laundry and raise their children. One argument put to a husband was " if you had to pay someone it would cost you half of what you make in a week... at least". Which in her husbands eyes was not the right answer. So she suggested that he look at her cleaning as a way of having a vested interest in the property as it would make no sense to let a property fall into ruin; as there can come a day when it can be used as an asset to achieve a higher aim. Now, she said this made more sense to her man...husband.. In all that discussion though, I never heard woman/wife mention that they felt it was a pleasure to do these things no matter what praise they got from their husbands/men in their life. I asked them to think about this... do they do those things just to get praise? If they lived a Godly life such praise is not necessary because God sees their loving effort. They, those ladies/ moms, forget that their husbands also come under God's authority.
I told them that they should be happy doing those things that they complain about; and in fact, give thanks and praise to God for their household responsibilities and praise their husbands though they may not ever notice how the socks made it to the laundry and back into their drawer... or maybe they do notice, maybe they even expect to see them in the right place which lets them know that the woman in their life is doing her part, her role no matter how routine it seems; we should even imagine that when they see their socks ready to be put on for the next day they smile and say Thank God for my Wife!
So, yes your role as wife and mother is very important! And, be blessed as I am blessed for having a Godly husband who does see my role as important!

Quality of Family and Home

Quality of family and home... mmm, well for me it still means a lot and I suppose to many people in this country/world family is important. To support that, I just read that out of the nearly 50% married households, 72% are still married to their first spouse. Interesting that some people deny such statistics... Someone asked this question the other day... "What do you think of when you hear the word 'home'? I said mother and grandmother at home, and that home is the place where I lived, ate and slept. Mother and grandmother came to my mind first and then grandfather and father. I put father last because he was always working and my grandparents 'retired' were always at home, always there... in a place where I always knew they would be. As a sociologist, I think that this last part is most important. Home is where those we love will always be.
Today, however, many people 'families' don't live together, extended family  live separately. From my observations, most people don't live like a family should. What do I mean by that... I mean that most families are living in households that are islands of 'home' and household economic connectedness.  50% of Illinois students live in low income households. And, though that stat is high for Illinois, it is interesting that across the nation (including Illinois) some eight in 10 Americans report eating at fast-food restaurants at least monthly, with almost half saying they eat fast food at least weekly. Only 4% say they never eat at fast-food restaurants. Now, complicate that view with this stat - 77%  of Americans reported eating dinner at home which is essentially unchanged from the 80% who said so in 1989, the last time Gallup asked the question. The 10% who said they ate at a restaurant 'last night' is also on par with the 8% recorded in 1989. Statistics are gathered and they only result in probability. However, what is probably going on in today's households is anyone's guess. Better would be to conduct a qualitative research and find out what Americans families are eating at home and how often they eat at home.
Over a period of 4 years, I asked my college students how to cook, most said they pop something in the microwave, like mom does.  So, what does that tell us. Mom is busy (not at home) and dinner is frozen until she gets home and takes it out. As I remember home and family, the most important thing for me as a child was knowing that mom was home - cooking and cleaning. That was good enough for me. It was not just cooking and cleaning, but how the cooking and cleaning was done, I noticed that too... it was done with love, it was done with care and a promise for the future.  Can't that happen too if mom or dad uses some frozen or packaged dinner. I would suppose yes... but as a qualitative researcher, I would question the quality.

In our 21st century society we can still be salt and light, and...

Jesus asked us to be salt and light. How can we be salt and light in this world, this culture? Before attempting to answer that question, let us consider this.
Just because our culture is post modern (21st century) does not mean that scripture has changed or our role as Christians has changed. Even if we live in what some are calling a post-Christian society, does not mean that those of us who remain Christians should live any different that in Jesus' time. We can still be salt and light. In Matthew 10: 8 Jesus asks that we heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy,and drive out demons. Would some people think that was strange? Yes, and guess what... people thought it was strange in Jesus' times too.
If you are not comfortable with doing that, then at least pray for those that are sick, pray for those that have died and those that have serious illness or skin disease and pray that evil be conquered through prayer.
Most of all, pray that His Kingdom Come, His will be done! Be mindful of your mouth, your words... be salt and light by praising God our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

God's Plan is a Much Better Plan

God's plan for your life is a much better plan. Today, we are caught up in the rat race. We want to have everything our neighbors have and more; worse, we justify this by saying that "I deserve it, I worked hard for this, I have the education that got me where I am".  As parents, we say "My kids deserve it, and why not, I have never had it so good, I want them to have it."
We never ask God what His plan for us is... let alone ask," what can I do for you Lord"? Yet, when we want more we have no problem asking God to give it to us. We have no problem asking God for help when we are in financial troubles or are sick.
I am not telling you that you have to start a crusade for God by doing good deeds. There is no amount of work you can do for God to gain His love, mercy and grace. All God wants from us is to love Him and trust that He has the best plan for us. He wants us to turn to Him always.
At this point, many people say well what about so and so who did what God asked and he/she ended up in that situation. We have to remember that we make choices in our lives even as we think we are living His plan for us and we have to remember that we live in a fallen world. We have to remember that even when things look bad for us God is there to turn that bad into good. He is there for us. You have to give yourself to God (die to yourself), love Him and sing your praise to Him. Tell the world that God's Plan is a much better plan especially when things couldn't get any worse that God is your Savior and you Love Him and will Praise His Name Forever!

If you want your children to Love God, then show them how you Love God!

And, if you are following "What Grace is Mine" today on Revive Our Hearts (Nancy Leigh DeMoss) you would have heard Damaris Carbaugh's continued story "Die to Yourself".

Regarding God's Plan for you, you have to die to yourself. What does that mean? It means die to your wants, your ambitions and turn to God for His plan for you. How do you do that, or get there? Read God's word and you will want more of His word than yours!

Nancy: And it’s not necessarily that there was anything wrong with those things, but the Lord wanted your heart.
Damaris: Exactly. This is what I’m so thankful for as He showed me that He wanted me to follow His invitation. He says, “You want to follow Me? You need to deny yourself, pick up your cross and follow Me. Deny yourself, die to yourself, die to what you want.” That sounds so negative until you understand that His invitation to die is for one reason, so that you might live. It makes no sense unless you know the Lord.
But His invitation to die is not a kill-joy. His invitation to die is that if you continue in what you want, it will destroy you. But if you die to what you want, you will begin to live.

What Grace is Mine

What grace is mine; that He who dwells in endless light,
Called through the night to find my distant soul.
And from His scars poured mercy that would plead for me;
That I might live, and in His name be known. Reversion of O'Danny Boy sung by Damaris Carbaugh

Listening this morning to Nancy Leigh DeMoss on her Moody Program "Revive Our Hearts" and heard an interview Nancy had with singer Damaris Carbaugh.
I want to share some of that interview with you.

Damaris: I tell people, if you want to know if you love the Lord, get around people who do. I realized I was very far. The Lord said, "It’s not that you don’t believe in me; that you don’t know all these things. It’s that you don’t love me. Because if you loved me, it would be, 'What Lord? What do you want?
Nancy: How quickly we say we love the Lord without asking, does our life make it look like we really do?
Damaris: I realized I love my life. I just wanted God to bless my plans. When He began to show me that the blood of Jesus saved me, but it also bought me, I think deep down I knew.
Nancy: Were you afraid you’d lose the career you loved?
Damaris: Absolutely. I thought, I know what this is going to mean. You don’t want me to do what I want to do. It was, this stinks. I’m not kidding you, Nancy. I was also ashamed. I realized I was so wrong. The head was understanding, but my heart wasn’t ready to embrace it. But He got my heart to understand. I said, "Oh God, You have to fix my heart." That’s why I love His Word. He can take a heart of stone and make it a heart of flesh. "I don’t want to want what I’ve wanted. If you can change this heart, I’m yours."
Nancy: Like right away?
Damaris: A big chunk changed. I remember coming back to my sister and saying, "I can’t do it anymore. . ."
She said, "Oh thank You, Jesus. The Lord has things for you that you can’t even imagine."
I was arrested; I’m guilty, and I had no argument. There was a journey there. Then God said, "Get in my Word." It reminds me of my courtship with my husband. I fell in love with Rod through the letters he wrote me. I felt like God was saying, "You want to fall in love with me? Then read Me!" The Lord told me, "The reason your heart hasn’t been in the right place is because you haven’t been in the Word." I was in the Word, but I wasn’t in it. I loved hearing it, but I didn’t live in the Word.
Nancy: I’m thinking about another song on this new CD called "What Grace Is Mine." I think I introduced this song to you several years ago. It's by Kristyn Getty, who's a good friend of this ministry. She had just recorded it. I played it for you when we were in Colorado together, several years ago. You said, "I need to put that on my new CD.
Damaris: I’ll thank you for all of eternity that you played that for us, Nancy. Not only is the music beautiful—everybody knows the music to "O Danny Boy." They consider it one of the most beautiful melodies ever written. But those words. Oh my goodness. That first verse is just amazing to me.
"What grace is mine; that He who dwells in endless light, called through the night to find my distant soul." And here's the line that kills me. "And from His scars poured mercy that would plead for me, that I might live, and in His name be known.”

I realize that what God wants from you is Love. How do we love the Lord? We sing about Him, we tell everyone about Him and we worship Him!

Early Socialization Process falls to the Mother, she is not alone...

As a sociologist and social psychologist, I can tell you that early socialization begins with the mother. However, she is not alone. Mother carries the child and because of that she is the first to pass along social information which includes God's imagination on social hierarchy. In her, the process of passing social information (information about social reality) begins even in the womb. Mother carries social information in her and she imparts that. If mother is missing information or is misinformed or is unsure of the information she has, then all of this will also be passed to the infant. What kind of missing information, or misinformation or unsure information could be harmful? First and foremost, information about identity in a social context, secondly, information that has changed regarding identity in a social context and thirdly, information that becomes treated as uncertain... uncertainty about identity; i.e. mother may worry about her marriage, her husband, her family and their support of her, her and her husband's financial situation, her ability to be a mother in the situation she finds herself in (is she married and will she get married and if not, why this decision). How is such information transferred to an infant, even an unborn child? It is transferred hormonally and by many other physical aspects; yet most importantly through the senses and including sensitivity between mother and child; stress, illness, depression. This kind of information is due to the occurrence of the above scenarios regarding misinformation. This kind of information can create social instability in the child, distrust, anxiety and stress.

A happy mother can expect a socially balanced child when she is confident in her identity, her financial situation, her marriage, trusting her husband to be there for her and also her family and passes this information to her infant.

Mothers are not alone. Everyone should and must pay attention to Mothers! Everyone thus has a role in the socialization of the child as they have a role to play in the mother's life. God's social hierarchy is the best program. Husbands come under God, wives/mothers under husbands. Husbands/fathers are not greater in this sense, they have a greater responsibility!

It is sad that we neglect this important aspect of socialization and many Americans support single parenthood, abortion and same sex marriage.

The Whole World Held Accountable...

The whole world held account Romans 3:19, ...through the law, we become conscious of sin.
I want to continue my discussion on a mother's role in her children's life. As we read in Romans, the world will be held accountable to God. No one will be declared righteous in His sight by observing the law, rather through the law we become conscious of sin.

All too often today we can hear from the evangelical left that since Jesus is all about love and that no scripture says that homosexuality is condemned by God or that people of the same sex cannot marry, we should embrace those who declare their sexual orientation with open arms and marry them.

Here is the problem and it is not necessarily a problem of sexual sin. It is a matter of following God's word (s) as found in biblical scripture given to us by God to guide us in our social interactions. In Scripture, we can experience God's social imagination; in His words, we can find His clear design for social hierarchy that will guide us in this fallen world. It is stated in many scriptures and none so clear as what we can find in  Titus 2 or 1 Cor 7 God's imagination for social hierarchy of the family; moreover, family is the basic model for society's hierarchy.  This is the point, this should be the Christian argument against same sex marriage, and against homosexuality.
Why? Speaking as a sociologist, social roles, relationships we find and we expect to find and have social order, social hierarchy. That is why we establish government, school boards, and all kinds of governing boards; with one person over another and someone under someone... it has purpose, it serves us in a way that we may not like or wish to have but we understand it is necessary when we want to do the right thing for the greater good. Ah, here we have the main thesis for social order and it is no different in God's plan... in fact, any social order we have was given to us by God. The very idea of having social order was His idea first. We as the 'church' must always be mindful of the greater good and the means to accomplish that necessitates social hierarchy with God first. Such order, reminds of to be conscious of  His law as through the law we become conscious of sin and we will know that we will be held accountable.  This statement is often the moment when people 'leave the building'. They don't like to hear this message; in fact, they get angry toward the messenger.
Yes, we as Christians embracing Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior will be saved. However, that does not mean that we should continue to live in sin. Not that we won't sin, but we cannot make it a conscious practice to live in sin. This is what parents must teach their children.
Mothers and fathers must demonstrate to their children that they will be held accountable by the one that they come under. Mothers come under their husbands and husbands come under God. Parents are held accountable for their children but not to them. The adult world does not to come under the child. The man does not come under the woman... hence, we as Christians cannot have same sex relations, marriage. We are breaking God's social hierarchy for us and the greater good.
Believe me, I have heard argument that since gender is socially created we can accept a man who identifies as a woman and that his coming under another man would be ok if that man identifies as a man; and, a woman who identifies as a man can be over  another woman who is a woman who identifies as a woman. Which is confusing to me and one can suppose to God as well. Even if this were to be taken as an argument, it is still man's idea. We most certainly as Christians should ask, how will it appear to children, can we explain that wisely? Will it confuse them? As a sociologist, what can be expected is social breakdown of the family and society. Expectations are vital for social order, a smooth running functioning social order cannot start from scratch every day nor change functions/roles basing on feelings or wants, this undermines expectations. If we don't know what to expect from each other, then how can we move forward even progressively if we are resigned every day to interpretation of what to expect. Point being, social order is necessary for the family, for society and especially for the Church... as the world includes the church and it will be held accountable to God.

Hannah's Story for a Happy Mother's Day!

I truly hope all my readers had the happiest Mother's Day of all. I did. 
There was a wonderful service this past Sunday at Calvary. The sermon was based on 1 Samuel, the story of the Birth of Samuel which is firstly the story of Hannah a woman who wanted to be a mother very badly for she had been barren for a long time. So, Hannah prayed to the Lord and and thanked Him, and she was blessed with a son whom she named Samuel and whom she gave to the Lord. "I prayed to the Lord, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him, So, now I give him to the Lord." 1Sam:27 The point made by the pastors at this Sunday's service was that Hannah finally put her total trust in the Lord and for that she was blessed. In return, Hannah returned Samuel to Him what He had given her. As mother's we think that we did it all, and we should get all the credit; but the credit really goes to our Father in Heaven. Raise well your God given children, give back to Him!

Mothers all too often today, want to be the Super Mom! I am not saying you can't, you can if you rely on the Heavenly Father and give Him the credit for your ability to be a super mom.  
I saw a photo on facebook put by a mom who thinks she has to take it upon herself to be everything for her son. I can telly you that if you think that way, you are mistaken; especially if you are trying to raise a God given child. Sons and daughters need to know who you count on for help in this fallen world. Let them know of your faith and they will have faith too!

Mothers, Socialize your Children According to God's Word

As a sociologist and social psychologist, I understand that words are important. As a Christian, I know that God's word (s) are invaluable to us in this social imagination - social reality. We have to put our imagination aside and use "God's" imagination. There are many instances in the Gospel that provide guidelines for marriage and family. I want to point especially to Titus 2 - What must be taught to various groups. It takes many family members to raise children, however mother and father have the most important roles in the socialization of their children including their sexuality. The Gospel tells us that homosexuality is a sin. It is clearly named a sexual immorality. If you want your children to be sexually moral, to grow and live in God's imagination, to become fathers and mothers, then be mindful of God's imagination for us. I ask you to use His imagination as you socialize your children. Mothers are the first to impart social reality to their child. In that first transmission of social information exists meaning and expectations which guides us in our roles and sexual orientation. If you want to a more in-depth understanding of how homosexuality is socially created, then check out my blog "The Social Imagination" www.thesocialimagination.blogspot.com
What I can tell you briefly is that the information we impart to our children, infants, should be Godly information. If we impart any other kind, we can expect ungodly behavior in our children and worse is that it will continue in their adult life.  Speaking as a sociologist, a mother is first in the order of  imparting Godly information, that which comes from God's imagination. Because of that, she needs to be supported by her husband and family. She needs to feel secure in information about her social world and secure in God's word/imagination as we need His word to guide us in this fallen world.  I highly suggest to re-read 1 Cor 6:12 and 1 Cor 7; then read Titus 2 What must be taught to Various Groups - this is about setting good examples and who has the task to do so.

Modesty has its Purpose

Modesty has its purpose. I wish more mothers and daughters would dress modestly in public. I wish mothers would tell their daughters this especially. I have seen all to often young girls/women aged 13-17 attending church showing cleavage and wearing short short mini skirts with flip flops on their feet. Are we so caught up in the age of 'everybody is right' in expressing themselves no matter how we do it?  Mother's teach your daughters modesty. It will serve them all their life. And, mothers too dress modestly, so you daughter will learn it from you.

1 Timothy 2: 9-10 " I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God."

Another problem I see among women (as you read, these messages come from the point of view of a sociologist who is in the constant mode of observation), is the tendency to commiserate. That means to get together 'jump on the same band wagon' and gossip about other women or complain about life, their job, their husbands and their kids as if by doing so they will prove themselves right; or worse, their complaint is actually directed toward God as they are angry with Him for their lot in life.

I beg you as a Christian woman, wife and mother, to know and accept that you are in the place now that you should be in... Praise God for it and see how life improves. Sing Praise to the Lord with all your soul, and praise the Lord all your life  Psalm 146

Betty Friedan on America's Suburban Family Houshold - a comfortable concentration camp

In a new book, "Betty Friedan and the Making of the Feminine Mystique", Smith College professor Daniel Horowitz (no relation) establishes beyond doubt that the woman who has always presented herself as a typical suburban housewife until she began work on her groundbreaking book was in fact nothing of the kind. In fact, under her maiden name, Betty Goldstein, she was a political activist and professional propagandist for the Communist left for a quarter of a century before the publication of "The Feminist Mystique" launched the modern women's movement.
Professor Horowitz documents that Friedan was from her college days, until her mid-30s, a Stalinist Marxist, the political intimate of the leaders of America's Cold War fifth column and for a time even the lover of a young Communist physicist working on atomic bomb projects in Berkeley's radiation lab with J. Robert Oppenheimer. Her famous description of America's suburban family household as "a comfortable concentration camp" in "The Feminine Mystique" therefore had more to do with her Marxist hatred for America... You can read more in Prof. Horowitz's book " Betty Friedan and the Making of the Feminine Mystique". You can also check out his webpage http://www.smith.edu/history/faculty_dhorowitz.php

Prof. Horowitz's book is revealing and yet not so surprising to me. Why? Because, Friedan's study (to be highly criticized in terms of racial demography, and in terms of geography and also lacking in detail of education and income per household - regarding husband's role) showed only marginal dissatisfaction among similar (again 'similar' is a vague term) housewives. In fact, Friedan concluded that the dissatisfaction was a female problem. This suggests to me, considering the time of the study, in my interpretation as a social interactionist that the female problem pointed by Friedan was due to a miscommunication of the role of woman as wife and mother- an inadequate transfer of information by their mothers who experienced social trauma which at that time was most likely caused by the second world war, wherein there was loss of a husband, or one who came back half a husband, or she having to leave the role of mother and work in a factory while the husband was at war and or experiencing a falling away from Christian faith due to lack of Christian family support system). Even so, we can find such outcomes 'dissatisfaction' to exist among every kind of work detail and or responsibility in every kind of career and or professional position: from CEO's to bankers to grave diggers. I found myself dissatisfied teaching at university, my dissatisfaction was in college student's inability to read and write - well surfed and not well read.
Today, statistics show that women are more than ever before subjected to higher levels of stress from working both outside the home and at home, trying to juggle both realities while their family suffers. More than before, women are unmarried and having fewer children.

• In 2010 women in America hit a major milestone – for the first time women outnumbered men in the U.S. workforce and in 2011 it went up to 53%, a threshold never reached before in the history of our nation. Today women account for just under half. 
• A record 40% of all households with children under the age of 18 have mothers who are either the sole or primary source of income for the family, according to the Census Bureau. In 1960, it was only 11%.   

Well, as it turns out, “having it all” has really led to more stress for women. We can also witness that the role of 'mother' is being down played or worse rejected.  Who is taking its place, not father likely he is not there and nor is he encouraged to be there, so who/what is? The State is.
I understand that we in our contemporary 'post  modern' era that both parents have to work to support a family. However, if more women took greater care to be educated household economists, and I know a few, they would not have to spend themselves working for someone else and would have more quality time for their husbands and children. 
There is a way to be a true woman which I think Betty Friedan was really about discovering, but perhaps not being a Christian, she could not see the way forward. What is that way? We need to seek the Lord's help. We need to ask Him to help us find greater freedom, fullness and fruitfulness in Christ. A true woman will go deep into God's Word and discover there her womanhood, her true role. 

Everyone has their Desert

Everyone has their desert, Jesus had his.
When things go wrong and we feel we are in a desert where there is no to help us, no one who understands our situation, no one to help us get through, no one hope in sight... just remember, even in the deserts of our lives, there is opportunity to give Thanks and Praise to God, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

I personally, have a desert in my life now. I am not teaching, which I love to do. I am faced with financial burdens, and because of that I am faced with not seeing my son; yet, I know that this desert is a place where I am supposed to be now. So, I am waiting and reading God's word. I am listening for His voice.